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Your sex life is going to be slightly different (hey, maybe even better) after becoming a parent than it was before you started a family. While almost everyone experiences frequent shifts in their sexuality and libido over their lifetime, with parenting there are just more…complexities. Pregnancy and childbirth for gestational parents can really disrupt how you feel in your body and take a while to adjust back to your “norm,” whatever that really means. And whether you’re a single parent of a toddler, the back-at-work-parent or an empty-nester, parenting sends you on a wild journey that will undoubtedly interact with your life as a sexual being.
The Surprising Sex Toys You May Not Already Have in Your Collection — But Should
When it comes to sex during pregnancy, it is safe to have sex with a partner or solo throughout pregnancy, unless an OB/GYN has told you that it isn’t for your specific case, according to the American College of Obstericians and Gynecologists (ACOG). It just takes plenty of communication as your body changes to figure out what feels good and is comfortable. With postpartum sex, it also may take some adjustments.
“The thing that people often focus on when it comes to sex after having a baby is the physical part, which is obviously very important,” Jamie Yates, a doula and sex-positive educator tells SheKnows. “But I think the part that we often miss when it comes to intimacy is just how preoccupied you are with all of the things you have to do in order to take care of another person. It doesn’t leave a lot of energy for thinking about sexy time.”
Luckily, we’re living in a fast-paced modern world full of really top-shelf sex toys for all people and all sexual needs. And we’re not just talking about bullet vibrators and dildos — the best sex toys for parents don’t actually have to vibrate and be inserted anywhere. And while communication itself probably won’t give you an orgasm, it’s key to sexual connection with a partner and with oneself.
“A lot of it is making space for the feelings that are happening with the change,” says Yates. And a few props and playthings can help with that. These are the best sex toys for parents that coincide with those needs — so try them for pregnancy, postpartum and beyond.
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A version of this story was published October 2019.
We-Vibe Chorus Couples’ Massager
If you want to have partnered (or solo) sex that doesn’t require much effort, invest in the We-Vibe Chorus. If you’re too pregnant to have someone on top of you, or vice versa, and your partner is in the room, they can control the movements of the clitoral and G-spot vibrator on you with the remote control. If they’re not in the room, the toy connects to the We-Vibe app from anywhere in the world. You can also use it during penetrative sex for extra stimulation, especially if you want that during early pregnancy or while you’re getting used to sex again postpartum.
Crave Vesper Vibrator
Image Credit: The Pleasure Chest.
Because of the many demands of parenting, sex and pleasure are sometimes the furthest things from your mind — or, especially for the pregnant and desperately horny, on your mind constantly.
“What happens for a lot of people, is they start to remember, ‘Oh, I’m a sexual being, which is when the libido comes back,’” says Yates.
Which is where a wearable object can be both: pleasure-providing in atypical spaces and circumstances to slake the persistent pregnancy lust when you’re not at home. And for periods when you’re too tired to feel sexual, having a wearable can be a simple visual reminder that your sexual desires matter to you, whether you have space for them now or not. Think of the Crave Vesper as a sexual talisman.
Image Credit: Ella Paradis
Clitoral stimulators are on-trend in the sex toy world — for good reason! They are quiet, discreet and a totally powerful way to achieve orgasms comparable to oral sex even in solo play. They’re gentle enough to not irritate even the most sensitive of clitori but pack a powerful punch.
Womanizer’s Liberty is a great pick for it’s size (easy fit), six levels of sensation and, of course, Womanizer’s revolutionary Pleasure Air ™ technology easing you and/or your partner to fairly effortless orgasms.
Pillo Pillow for Sex
Image Credit: Dame.
Yes, this is a $95 sex pillow and no, it doesn’t also cook dinner for you. But for those trying to ease back into penetrative play, or experiment, the cost can be well worth it. Having an eye-catching object that will support new positions creates an occasion to try them out, with comfort and a sexy feeling of luxury to boot. It’s not unlike getting back into running by getting a nice, supportive new pair of sneakers. Plus, it’s nice to have a fancy pillow that’s comfy to recline on, whether sex is on the menu that night or not.
And once kids start to have a regular bedtime, you can get excited about pillow time. “When you can institute a bedtime, that’s the prime time when sex can come back,” says Yates. “That’s often the phase when people tend to be like, ‘Oh, hi, you.’”
Dipsea Sexy Audio Stories
Image Credit: Dipsea.
“In the early weeks of postpartum, people just need to give themselves a break and let things go,” says Yates. “It’s okay to prioritize your own mental health over whatever things you think need to be done.”
So what if you could combine meditation-style relaxation with just a bit of fantasy? Dipsea, a sexy audio company, has done just this, with new sensual and erotic audio stories for different relationships and proclivities every week. So if you’re too exhausted for sex — or still recovering — you can lie side-by-side and listen with your partner, no touching required.
Dipsea Audio Stories Subscription $69.99/year
Hummingbird Wand Attachment
Image Credit: Amazon.
If you have a wand and a partner with a penis, this is the best $14 you can spend on a sex toy. Wand attachments allow the vibrations of a wand to stimulate different parts of the body and expands the potential for use during partnered sex.
Hummingbird Wand Attachment $15
Fun Factory Bootie Plug
Image Credit: Pleasure Chest.
“For a lot of people who are in longer-term relationships, penis-owners get more exploratory,” says Yates. “They start to explore prostate play.” The Bootie can be used on any body, with or without a prostate, and comes in three sizes so you can scale up as you wish.
Plugs can be fun to explore together in later pregnancy, especially if the gestational partner isn’t as mobile as they used to be.
Fun Factory Bootie Plug $35
Image Credit: Babeland.
You can’t beat a classic for anyone at any stage of their sexual life. And the ultimate classic sex toy is the Hitachi Magic Wand. This wand is meant to be used as an external vibrator but can also be used to soothe sore muscles from hauling strollers up flights of stairs.
And for pregnant folks with newly sensitive spots, you may find yourself connecting your pleasure to sensations on different parts of the body, from nipples to inner thighs.
It can be easily explained to kids without getting into a sex talk, if you’re not ready for that yet. Just know that Yates doesn’t advocate hiding sexuality from kids. “I think there should be a certain amount of, ‘We’re your parents and you got here because of sex.’ ‘We have sex and it’s a part of our relationship,’” says Yates.
A Sex Journal
Image Credit: A Sex Journal.
Okay, a journal isn’t typically referred to as a sex toy — but Yates emphasizes the importance of laying the communications groundwork, and the team building of intimacy. “One thing that people can do is just daily check ins: What did you do today? What was on your mind today? What gave you anxiety?” Yates says.
Enter the recently launched A Sex Journal, with prompts and intention-setting, which can be an important tool for strengthening your sexual relationship. Making a standing date night to chat about where you are — even if you don’t have the energy to get down to business —may help you create a habit of spending that time on intimacy for down the road.
We all want to be satisfied, even though we know some people who will never be that way, and others who see satisfaction as a foreign emotion that they can’t hope to ever feel.
Peace and happiness can be difficult to catch. Finding the right balance that lets us get to all of the different goals that we have in place is not always as easy as we would like.